I can’t continue this.
I can’t pretend being happy when I am not. I can’t pretend that this school makes me happy and that I love my friends. I can’t pretend that both my anxiety and depression has become too much.
I can’t deny that every time I think of newspaper I want to vomit. I can’t deny that if I quit newspaper, I will let my parents down. That without it, I won’t have a sense of belonging but I will essentially be happier.
I don’t know what I want—what I want to do or say, but its evident I must stay at Appalachian for both mine and my parent’s sake. I need my mom—I need my sister—I can’t stay here with my friends without becoming certifiably insane.
I can’t stop hyperventilating. I can’t turn to my mom or sister without them telling me to suck it up. I just want to go to class and sleep and go home.
What will it take for me to be happy? or for me to implode?
01.21.12 @ 16:24
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